A Letter From The Landlord

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ladies of Unmarketed Growth Capital, I am so sorry to write an email like this Continue reading →

Only The Endings of Poems That Are Otherwise Unpublishable

there is something about whistling no one can ever look happy in the winter no, i lied — no one Continue reading →

Buzzfeed’s 10 Signs You Go To College in Chicago

1. You go to college in Chicago. 2. You go to college in Chicago. 3. You go to college in Continue reading →

A Synopsis of a Random “Whitney” Episode, But It Doesn’t Matter Which One, Does It?

Characters………………………… Whitney Alex That Obviously Closeted Indian Guy Redhead Dumb Cop Divorced Lady COLD OPEN. Alex enters holding a box. Continue reading →

untitled (as of now)

a moose shattered his elbow in my bathtub today the one with the clawed feet and the cracking porcelain that Continue reading →

Selected Poems That Were Selected

dollface i dreamt last night that half the world were zombies but you couldn’t tell because everyone continued to drink Continue reading →

An Open Letter to the Man Who Stole A Bike Right Off of My Trunk

To the Man Who Stole a Bike Right Off of My Trunk, Woof.  Not cool, bro. You come along with Continue reading →

Purdy Parties

I am absolutely thrilled to be standing here before you today, recipient of the She Makes a Difference Award, sponsored Continue reading →