It is with profound regret that I must inform you of my inability to attend this year’s extravaganza. Urgent family business in Zurich precludes my participation. However, as the most prominent resident of Glenwood City, I feel it is my duty to lend a full spectrum of support in my absence.
Marcia, my incomparable assistant, is once again eager to supervise the Pony Rides and the Fantasy Corral Petting Zoo. As in the past, she will bring a sufficient quantity of tranquilizers. She recruited her sister, Daisy (a deputy police chief in Ohio) to observe Pickles the Clown throughout the weekend. We do not want a repeat of last year’s antics, which doubled the County’s insurance deductible, as you are well aware.
Two of my boys have kindly volunteered to do whatever they can to ensure that the animal judging remains among the finest juried events in all of Wisconsin.
Charles has expressed an affinity for the Youth Horse Dressage, Little Britches Dairy Show and L’il Cowpokes Cattle Show. Although he is thirty years old, I did not ask why. Sometimes the father must bite his tongue and support the child’s interests. Having said that, it may be prudent to assign a shadow to Charles during these events.
No problem whatsoever with Douglas. He will cheerfully run interference at the always hectic Junior Fair Poultry exhibit, as well as the more contemplative Junior Fair Beef exhibit – where one stares face to face with future meals for long stretches of time.
Henrietta enthusiastically circled the homemaking contests as soon as she received the flyer. She would like to be involved in the following displays, ranked by interest level:
- Flowers & Houseplants
- Natural Resources & Nature Space
- Home Environment
- Family/Child Development
- Youth Leadership
- Knitting & Crocheting
Please make sure that she manages her time appropriately. Dr. Mahnken has been working with Henrietta on this issue, among others, for the better part of two years. We are beginning to see incremental progress, so let’s keep her focused on “the big picture.”
Leon, as you know, will be performing Friday evening with the Whitesidewalls Rock ‘n Roll Review. He has graciously offered to help with site logistics for some of the other acts: Splatter Sisters, The Memories, Ole & Elmer, Six Appeal and Lizzy the Dream Girl. If there are no other volunteers, he will also monitor the 4-H Show Choir performance.
Unfortunately, I could not galvanize resources for assistance with the Tractor Caravan, Horse Pull, 4×4 Mud Races, Educational Department School Exhibits, the Outstanding Older Adult Award, the Sheriff’s Department K-9 Demo, Open Class Antiques, Dance Explosion or the Fairest of the Fair Coronation. For this, please accept my most sincere apologies. No one is more disappointed than I am.
In any event, I look forward to savoring video highlights of this year’s edition of the St. Croix County Fair upon my return from the Continent.
Joe Fumo is a Milwaukee-area business writing consultant who has published three humor books – Earth 2.0: Post-Armageddon Tips, God’s Web Site and Things To Do This Week (purchasable on Amazon). He has been a newspaper reporter, corporate newsletter editor and public relations guy. Thus, the need to write silly pieces.