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Weary of its low approval ratings, Congress has decided to take the offensive. All existing special months have been replaced by a brand new slate. Gone are perennial favorites like Frozen Food Month (February), Jazz Appreciation Month (April) and Family Heritage Month (August). Here are the newly designated commemorative months:

January – Trim Your Pubic Hairs Month

February – Upward Mobility Month

March – Look in the Mirror Before Leaving Your Dwelling Month

April – Acknowledge Your Limitations Month

May – Baby Boomer Incontinence Recognition Month

June – Make Love Not War Month

July – Bounce Back from Adversity Month

August – Play Harmonica in the Postal Queue Month

September – Don’t Rule Out Public Transportation Month

October – Reacquaint Yourself With Print Media Month

November – Do Not Exceed Your Budget Month

December – Follow Your Heart Month

Joe Fumo is a Milwaukee-area business writing consultant who has published three humor books – Earth 2.0: Post-Armageddon Tips, God’s Web Site and Things To Do This Week (purchasable on Amazon). He has been a newspaper reporter, corporate newsletter editor and public relations guy. Thus, the need to write silly pieces.

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