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Oh come the fuck on.Not this Pediasure ad AGAIN.

Aaaaagh you GOTTA be kidding me.

Your son is a picky eater, so you feed him vitamin enhanced milkshakes instead of actual food?! This seems like bad parenting!!!

How is this pretend son ever going to learn how to eat like a human?!!!!!
Jesus CHRIST. I feel like the ONLY way this could be okay is if like…. you used Pediasure as part of a larger plan to get that kid eating fucking legit food. LIKE YOU  KNOW! FUCKING! FOOD!
Like… If you’re like…. Okay, you can have this milkshake instead of fucking food tonight, but this isn’t for fucking ever.

Then the next day be like, oh you liked that fucking milkshake? Coool, you can have it but first you have to eat this ACTUAL MOTHER FUCKING FOOD! Just a few bites.

Then the NEXT day be like, hey, you have to eat more LEGITIMATE ACTUAL MOTHER FUCKING FOOD in order to get some of this BULLSHIT vitashake.

And so on and so on til your fucking ruined baby that you totally fucking failed at is eating full meals of GODDAMN LEGITIMATE ACTUAL MOTHER FUCKING FOOD for a small amount of that bullshit shake.

And then it’s like, oh you’re a fucking human now, so no more Pediasure and if your second chance goes as planned, your child won’t be a DOUCHECRAP about it.

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JESUS FUCK WHAT IF I HAVE CHILDREN AND THEY’RE PICKY FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!!
God. I have to start them on solids right at 5 months and I’m skipping BLAND ASS CEREAL and going straight to fucking avocados and egg yolks and sweet potatoes. I WILL TAKE NO CHANCES!
shit.
WHAT IF THAT DOESN’T HELP!
Jesus what if my kids are TERRIBLE!
WHAT IF WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON BUT GENETICS AND I HATE THEM!!!!

GOD why am I panicking about babies that I’ll maybe never have and like this bitch keeps reliving the same fucking Christmas Eve over and over and like it’s like FUCK YOU ABC Family!!

Julia Weiss is a writer, improviser, and actress. Julia has a big heart and a tiny bladder. Julia likes baths and wine. @weiss_tea.

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