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Grandpa certainly was a character, wasn’t he?
I’m sure you will miss him.
But if you’re honest with yourself,
Isn’t part of you relieved?
No more temper tantrums
No more restraining orders
No more calls from the police station
After you’ve tucked yourself in for the night.

Oh, well.
Just wanted to let you know
I’m thinking of Grandpa
And of you!
Your loss is Satan’s gain.

* * *

Transitions are never easy.
From suckling to sippy cups,
From first steps to fist fights,
Sometimes it’s hard to accept
That those we love so dearly
Are methodically trudging
Toward their final transition.

May all of your memories
Of the one who was whisked away…
Whether joyful or blissful,
Tragic or pathetic…
Remain with you forever.
Or at least as long as a
Factory-installed mud flap
On a Chevy Silverado.

* * *

As you begin your long period of grieving,
Rest assured that it will run its course.
Though it may seem absurd to you now,
One day you will be unfettered by grief.

Who knows?
You may meet someone
Far more interesting and exciting
Than the beloved one you have just lost.
The beloved’s memory will begin to fade
As you jaunt around the world
Arm-in-arm with someone fresh
Who allows you to feel carefree and impulsive again.

Perhaps you will make sexual discoveries
That give your close friends reason to blush.
But right now, you must return to your grief.
You owe it to the one who has departed.

Joe Fumo is a Milwaukee-area business writing consultant who has published two humorous fiction collections: “God’s Web Site” and “Things To Do This Week” (purchasable on Amazon.com) He has been a newspaper reporter, corporate newsletter editor and public relations account representative. Thus, the need to write silly pieces.

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