Lab Report May 21st:

So excited to finish up my chem PhD! Supposed to keep notes about what happens in the lab in here. Ha! Easy stuff! Dr. Carson is my new dissertation advisor after Dr. Farmner disappeared. Got a cool new lab ID to boot.

Lab Report May 28th:

Woke up feeling really energetic today! Maybe it is the crystals I was handling yesterday? Haha JK. Just pumped to begin really digging into the nitty gritty of my dissertation. Gonna go work off some of this energy at the weight room.

Lab Report June 5th:

Things are starting to get real weird around here. Last week I started benching 170 and then this week I’m already up to 190! Also, yesterday I found a couple of black kittens in the trash out back. Then, today I came in to check on the crystals I am growing and I swear one of them is missing! The doors to the lab are locked ALL weekend. Dr. Carson says I just miscounted but I definitely remember placing seven crystals in the tray. Starting to think maybe there’s something afoot? Won’t rule out any possibilities.

Lab Report June 12fth:

Ran some regular type experiments with crystals and lasers. Blah. Pretty standard lab day until, just off the cuff, I mentioned how much I like J.R.R. Tolkien and Dr. Carson blew up! Said the lab was “no place for such drivel” and stormed out of the room. Later at home I was making dinner and had to boil some water and as I stood there staring into the bubbling water I was like, “how can we rule out the existence of magic?” Like, honestly? Seems scientifically irresponsible to me. Should check out some books about magic from the library just in case. Benching 190 still!

Lab Report June 15th:

Had to throw the rest of the crystals out because the Dr. Carson says they were “contaminated” due to an “inconsistency” in the electrical current. You know me though. As soon as he left the room I dug ‘em up out of the trash to confirm they were tainted and I noticed that TWO MORE were missing! Leaning more towards magic/wizardry afoot at Brown University. I know it sounds crazy but then…library says all magic books are checked out? Coincidence!? Tried benching 195 but holy shit that’s tough. Stuck with 190. Nice and consistent. Can feel the crystal powers in me.

Lab Report June 21th:

Took that girl Larissa from Organic Chem out last night. We fucked real good and slow ‘cause that’s some magic I want to last. Also, I lasted so long! Starting to think these crystals really are giving me powers! Not gonna call her soon though ‘cause I don’t wanna make her think I want her too bad. Regrowing the crystals as per Dr. Carson’s request. Gonna watch these ones closer.

Lab Report June 24th:

Hey whoa holy shit! Today Dr. Carson put some blue powder in a graduated cylinder and held it over a Bunsen burner. IT TURNED INTO PINK LIGHT! THAT GUY DEFINITELY IS A WIZARD! Need to get closer next time he is in lab and see if I can see where he keeps his mana. WOW! What a week. Definitely rewriting my dissertation. Prolly should call Larissa back soon too.

Lab Report July 3rd:

Saw an episode of Louie last night that was just balls-ass hilarious. Later while I did my laundry I realized I’ve never seen Dr. Carson open a door. How does he get into rooms? Starting to think maybe he is a necromancer not a wizard? Having a really tough time re: what to do with this info. Maybe I should call the police? Seems drastic. Also, called Larissa but no answer. Did I wait too long? 😦 Benching 195 finally. Can really feel the crystals in my veins when I pump hard iron!

Lab Report July 7th:

Sad news from home today. Dad died of leukemia. Gonna ask Dr. Carson if he would be willing to use his powers to resurrect him. I know it will drain his mana pool but I am getting real sad/lonely. Still haven’t heard back from Larissa and she hasn’t been in Organic for a while. Ugh. Don’t feel like working out.

Lab Report July 19th:

Talked to Larissa last night! She’s pregnant though. Now I’m thinking I should ask Dr. Carson to use his mana pool to cast a disappearing spell on that baby. Still sad about dad. No gym for me.

Lab Report July 30th:

Larissa made a few comments about marriage last week. Shit. Getting real worried about responsibility/money. Think I might love her but how am I gonna finish my Ph.D. with a kid? Maybe should find another strong wizard besides Dr. Carson to help with all these problems cropping up? I think Markison adopted those kittens I found? Should watch out for that guy.

Lab Report August 3rd:

Presented my Lab Journal to panel today. Didn’t go so hot. Have a meeting with Dr. Carson tomorrow. Gonna talk to him about helping me out with the whole Larissa thing. Decided I don’t wanna mess around with dark magic and get dad resurrected. Shit, I wonder how much Carson charges per spell? Still no clear signs from Markison re: being a wizard but I did notice he had some scratches on his arm from those kittens probably.

Lab Report August 4th:

Things went badly. Dr. Carson says he is not a wizard and neither is anyone else and he questions how seriously I am taking this program. I need to turn in all research I have done so far for review? Might get all funding pulled and asked to leave?! Think I’m definitely getting close to some real answers re: this magic thing. Gonna keep digging. Making a lot of people uncomfortable. Still no sign of magic books in the library. Gonna order some from Amazon. Maybe I can convince them to teach me their ways? Wish dad were alive to hear about this. Would be so proud. At least I have Larissa. Benching 200!

Lab Report August 5th:

Larissa is dead. She hung herself last night. No note. Was any of this worth it? Having terrible feelings. I know those fucking wizards are behind this. Going to persevere and get revenge.

Griffin Wenzler is from Nashville, TN. He likes to play the drums and read. He performs solo sketch and with the improv team Bully.

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