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1. It’s been 4 days
2. Before you got stuck in the elevator, the weird CDC outbreak had just been deemed a “zombie apocalypse”
3. One of the people in the elevator with you weighs over 250 pounds and he just died of a heart attack and is pretty much barricading the elevator door.
4. Oxygen is becoming so precious, a fart could literally kill someone.
5. Everyone still alive in the elevator is tiring of your optimism.
6. Where you all once used to smile and laugh while singing Bruno Mars’ “Locked Out of Heaven,” one subconscious, accidental peep of the chorus causes everyone to repeatedly slam their heads against the elevator walls.
7. There is only one cell phone with any battery left and it’s a Motorola Razr that is currently roaming.
8. Everybody has admitted to fantasizing about making love to Ryan Seacrest
9. Despite being stuck in an elevator in Seattle, you find out that you are all from the same small town just outside of Kansas City.
10. Together, you finally came up with a comprehensive gun control bill that should appease both Democrats and Republicans.

Nick Leveski is a cool dude who lives in Chicago. You can follow him on Twitter. His Twitter handle is @classicleveski.
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