Dear Hugo Cupcake,
You may have already won
a large object
or a sum of money.
Scratch. See how lucky you are.
Play along, okay?
Your subscription is about to expire.
Please do not let it expire.
Jobs are on the line.
Our services may interest you.
May we interest you in an appointment?
Free gift, you know.
Please pay gas and electric bill
in the amount of such and such
on or before above date.
If paid after above date,
include a penalty of such and such.
If you take a few moments
to complete this survey,
I will know whether you favor
nuclear or conventional warfare
should push come to shove.
Give this catalogue your undivided attention.
Then call the toll-free number and let your guard down.
We are desperate for your business.
Dear Valued Customer,
We are pleased to announce
the addition of Donald Jenkins,
our new produce manager.
Dear Mr. Cupcake,
Do you have a dog?
Joe Fumo is a Milwaukee-area business writing consultant who has published two humorous fiction collections: “God’s Web Site” and “Things To Do This Week” (purchasable on Amazon.com) He has been a newspaper reporter, corporate newsletter editor and public relations account representative. Thus, the need to write silly pieces.