Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Cindyyyyyyyyyyyy, what’s up HR stu-ud?! So I was wondering if you had a chance to look over my vacation ti—oh honey what’s wrong? Seriously? He cheated on you?! Wow that is terrible, I’m so sorry, girl, you are better off without him. You don’t need no man to make you happy! Just look at me! I’m about to go to Cabo in 2 weeks all by myself, just as soon as I get that vacation time approved, girl!
No but yeah, that is tough. You guys were really serious, huh? And it was with your best friend? Jesus, well good riddance to them both! Best thing to do now is just move on and try and get back out there as soon as you can. Sure it’ll be hard and you probably won’t feel like you’re ready. But you have to take a chance, it’s what’s best for you. Just like I did when I booked this flight to the sandy beaches of Cabo two months before I cleared it with you guys at HR!
Oh I’m so glad you didn’t move in with him, can you imagine if you and that a-hole had signed a lease together? Made a commitment to something that there was NO WAY you could financially back out of! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN DEVASTATING, RIGHT????
(Sign the fucking paper)
Nope, I had a tickle in my throat. But moments like these are when you need your friends, your good friends, the most. Sure, let yourself sulk for a day or two. But after you’ve finished all the Oreo’s and ice cream in your apartment, get out and be active. Don’t let your mind obsess over an event that you literally have been thinking about since Christmas.
It’ll be a long road to recovery, no question. Break-ups are the worst. But you don’t want to get into a bad routine and have the summer just drag on. Unlike in Cabo where time seems to stand still as the sun reflects off the water underneath El Arco de Cabo San Lucas near Chilleno Beach.
Don’t forget, you’re a catch! Like the famous sailfish one can catch whilst deep sea fishing in the piercing blue waters of the Pacific Ocean, you sexy momma!
It’s going to be fine, I promise. And if you need anything, you know you can always call me! You have my pay-as-you-go international cell-phone number right?
You’re great girly! So buck up! I’ll check on you later in the day to see how you’re doing, maybe grab lunch. Tacos, burritos, enchiladas, chimichangas, carne asada, chalupas, churros, gorditas, tomales, literally any type of sopa, Mexican pizza, shoot I’ll eat whatever!
All right I’ll close the door and give you some privacy. Don’t need any self-serving jerks roaming on by. And yeah, if you have the time, sign the fucking paper.
Andy Kushnir is a writer and improviser from Chicago. He pretends to travel the world here at latersusa.wordpress.com. His family is the best.