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MY SQUISHY PLANTS ARE DEAD!  I loved them so much!  MY SQUISHY PLANTS ARE DEAD!  Oh.  The ones with the succulent soft green pillow-ey but still kinda pointy leaves.  Like you could suck water out of them if you were in the desert or sleep on them if you were an ant.  I miss them so much already.

I just walk down here into my greenhouse this morning and all of them are all dried up like this.  I watered you.  I fed you.  What did I do wrong to my squishy plants?  Now what will I touch when I’m nervous?  Now what will I fondle?

One time I put your leaf in my mouth?  Remember that?  It was kinda like we were tongue kissing.  It felt so good.  You were so plump and juicy in my mouth.  But I didn’t bite down.  Even though I wanted to.

Ahhhhg!  MY SQUISHY PLANTS!  Take me God!  Take me now!  If you can take them, why can’t you take meeeeeeeee?

There is no life without squishy plants.  Oh Lord, my life is over, I might as well go throw myself in a beaver creek and die.  Might as well take a step off a wolfy rock and tumble down a cliff.  Take a run through a meadow with a lot of bees and leave my epipen at home.

My squishy plants!  Wherefore art thou squishy plants?  So elusive I only found you that one time at Walgreens and bought you all for fear those vile employees would let you rot and die.  But now look at what I have done.  You are all brown and crispy plants.  I don’t want crispy plants.  CRISPY PLANTS!

Oh.  My poor poor squishy plants.

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Shannon Noll is an improviser on Chicago, IL.  This blog may or may not be updated: http://divingforrocks.tumblr.com/

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