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Um, Mr. Powell? Mr. Powell? I don’t mean to disrupt your impassioned speech about how President Obama is a left-wing-socialistic-hippie-bastard, but I was wondering what exactly the difference was between A and A-suss? It’s just I don’t exactly have a good ear for these things and– well maybe… I suppose it’s because I’m a Jew, I-I’m not quite sure, but hey, I’m new to guitar!

So, anyway, I’ve been working on this Blues Riff all week that you gave me to practice, and I gotta tell ya, I think I’m getting better! I mean, my fingers definitely hurt, but it sounds pretty funky. Oh, that’s okay! No worries! It’s fine, I like the smell of scotch, so now I’ll have it on my sweatshirt wherever I go!

Why yes, yes I’m more or less positive that the Holocaust happened. Well… my grandfather helped to fight in the war and I have family members that were in concentration camps… So is this a G chord?

Yeah, I’d love to buy a CD, wow, and you made this?! That’s so cool. I actually don’t have any cash on me, but next time FOR SURE.

Oh I don’t agree with that term Mr. Powell. Well it’s a bit outdated, but if you say you have a lot of them as friends, then maybe it’s okay I guess. You’re the teacher after all!

Now the hammer-ons, those are tricky little suckers, ain’t they?! I’m all bow-bow-bee, bow-bow-bee-bee, but I can’t get it to reverberate, ya know? Eh, that’s okay, I’ll just show you when you get out of the bathroom.

What?! You opened for REO Speedwagon one time in the 80’s?! Oh gosh, I bet you never talk about it! Of course the sound check guy is an opening act! I mean, he’s on stage after all!

Mr. Powell, if we could just get a routine down or maybe make a game plan so I knew what to do when I went home, that’d be most helpful. I feel like we keeping changing it and I just could use a little consistency… Oh, no, I’m-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, I just feel like we’re going back and for– please don’t cry, I, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you. You’re right, I should go. I’m sorry for being so unprofessional, I didn’t mean to waste your time.

NEXT TIME CAN WE LEARN WONDERWALL????

Andy Kushnir is a writer and improviser from Chicago. He pretends to travel the world here at latersusa.wordpress.com. His family is the best.

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