There you are, sitting across from me

Your hair so visibly soft

And the candlelight bouncing in your eyes and necklace.

I say something stupid and you laugh to save me

Each delicate word, a marble rolling down a palm leaf.


If not for the rules, I would reach across this wooden table and squeeze you.

My eyes are locked in yours and I hardly see the flickering over your shoulder.

Again you laugh, but now I fight to hold your gaze…

I hear a scream.

Oh my god, I think, a monster is climbing out of that volcano!

Your dress is so pretty, and stuff, but oh shit!

That monster is fucking huge! It’s going to eat that baby!

Oh my god! it just ate that baby!


This sucks! I’m in Hawaii! I’m on vacation!

The monster stomped on a house! There were babies inside there!

I start to run. I have no idea where you are but whatever.

All I can think about is that if I survive this, I’m still going to have to go to work on Monday!


Hawaii will be so romantic, I thought, what a great idea for a honeymoon.

That bitch from work, what’s her name, Tracy? She sold me on this.

“You stand at those cliffs and its like so windy and you just like realize that, This is all nature. It really blows you away.

Oh man this sucks. Theis SUCKS!

I don’t care about that sutff! I hate Hawaii right now.

I’m going to be on the news!

Oh no! The monster just started breathing fire!

Oh man, he just started that baby on FIRE!

Where’s my girlfriend! Oh wait!

A hover board, and a light saber! Oh yeah!

I cruise around and blow a kiss to some babes as I pass.

Everyone starts cheering my name.

Don’t let it psyche you out, Andy.

Get to business.

Now I’m totally going to slay that monster in its weakest spot, the belly.


I gotta get to it before it kills that orphan.

Keew Brrrrch SSssaaaasssss Ffffyow!

Ahhhh no man! Oh man.


I got him! I stand on his body, supporting the orphans on all of my shoulders.

“Sorry monster, you picked the wrong honeymoon to crash” I said.

Everyone started cracking up.

I guess they were all really impressed with me.

Andy Junk is older than his picture would lead you to believe.

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