I understand that some ladies enjoy dating. The thrill of having a man pay for dinner and treating one like a princess is appealing. Sadly, all of my dates have been Dutch Treat and I have been treated like a crack whore. So, I have developed a sure fire approach to avoid the horror fest that is dating. I call it the “Drunk Jane Austen” approach. It is a two stage program.
Stage One is the Drunk Phase. It is a simple 5-step approach:
Step one. Develop a cool personality. Not too hard. I am sure you already have a decent one. Just own it.
Step two. Make friends and lots of them. Make sure to make guy friends too.
Step three. Learn how to have fun with your friends by being OK that you are single.
Step four. Your friends will introduce you to their friends.
Step five. Drink a lot of alcohol.
Stage two is the Jane Austen phase. This is a bit trickier than the Drunk Phase.
At some point you are going to become attracted to one of your guy friends. Don’t act on it right away. Feel it out. Make sure he is attracted to you too. He will start making suggestive comments. At this point you should be good enough friends that you are comfortable with each other. Your friends should be noticing and making comments such as “You and (insert man’s name here) are totally more then friends.” There should be a lot of longing involved. That is why I call it the “Jane Austen” phase. He is becoming attracted to that cool personality you developed in step 1 of stage 1. This is the part when you are forming the foundation in which you build your relationship. “Jane Austen” should last at least 2 months. Be patient girl! It will well be worth it. Then on one drunken night when there is magic in the air, he will confess his feelings for you. You will kiss him and butterflies will dance around your love.
Viola! You have completed the “Drunk Jane Austen.” Congrats on avoiding horrible encounters with awkward men and finding a relationship based on booze and friendship.